


Run, Rabbit, Run

by searein



Category: Twenty One Pilots
Genre: Alternate Universe, Hunt, M/M, Repressed Memories, Road Trip, Sexual Content, Supernatural Elements, black magic rituals, occultism
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-05
Updated: 2018-11-05
Packaged: 2019-08-19 09:09:12
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,224
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16531610
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/searein/pseuds/searein
Summary: He almost feels it like a rabbit feels a farmer’s gun pointed at him. It is self-preservation or a survival instinct. He needs to hurry.





	Run, Rabbit, Run

Josh doesn't remember how much time has passed since the very beginning of this race. Sleeping in his car in an uncomfortable position, he can only dream about a bed.

A car radio is silent — it has always been Tyler’s responsibility to turn it on and pick a station. But the passenger seat is empty and there is no one in the car, except Josh. He drives along the unknown road, going nowhere.

Big cities, small towns, and tiny villages sweep past along with minutes, hours and days. He watches the weather change, the way over-saturated thunderclouds appear on the horizon. And when the first heavy drops of the summer rain fall down, diluting road dust with water, Josh opens the window to inhale the incredible smell of wet asphalt. The road is the main thing in his life now. The wind is petting his face, swollen because of a sleep deprivation. Windscreen wipers start working, smearing water all over the windshield and Josh's bleary eyes are too tired to see something through it so he decides to take a break and stop.

When the car stands still and landscapes do not flash in front of his eyes anymore, he can afford a few minutes of tranquility. He leans back and looks at the grey sky through a glass moonroof, listening to a drum solo of raindrops accompanied by the rumbling of thunder.

***

He is out of luck. He knew it was going to happen one day but he has preferred not to dwell on something that he has no chance to avoid. Josh gets out of his useless car. He steps onto the ground, rising a cloud of dust. The road runs down to a small town, he doesn’t remember its name, but he’s sure he’s seen a road sign a few miles away from this place. He needs to refuel his car. Trying to figure out if he has enough time to come back if he goes to the nearest gas station, he decides to risk because staying here without any motion is the worst option. So he takes his not numerous supplies and makes his way down the road.

Standing in a small convenience store between a sleepy cashier and colorful snacks, Josh feels a familiar terror — it climbs up his spine, getting closer to his ears, whispering something senseless straight into his head. When he starts to distinguish the voice, he needs to hurry. Now, it means he has no time to come back to his car. Anyway, his money won’t allow him to buy a gasoline all the time. He shall come for it sooner or later.

That vehicle holds so many sweet memories. Tyler’s weird white sunglasses with a scratched lens are still hidden in a glove box. The headrest of the passenger seat has a scent of Tyler’s hair and a criminalist would still be able to find his fingerprints on the buttons of the car radio. They spent so many happy hours in this iron box on the wheels, driving without any purpose, making out in the back seat, cursing their problems and discussing their plans. They even went to a drive-in theatre and it feels like only God knows how much time has passed since those days. Josh tries to get rid of his thoughts about his ghostly past. He has no time for this.

And when he is outside, he breaks his debit cards because they’re just useless pieces of plastic from now on. He’s running out of money, but there are two bottles of water and some junk food in his backpack. Not so bad.  
Josh has no time for anything, he has to go away from this place as fast as he can.  
He kicks a trashcan and runs in the attempt to block the white noise in his head.

***

Josh stops near the bar on the other side of the town. He used to jog every morning and now it helps, but he is out of breath anyway. The straps of the backpack chafe his irritated skin. The panic destroys him. Josh needs to find a way to get out of here and the faster the better. The sun is covered by clouds but it doesn’t help — he got sunburns all over his shoulders and freckles look strange on his reddish skin.

Getting into the bar, Josh hopes to find someone who can explain to him the way out of the city. Luckily he meets a completely sober guy, who agrees to help him. The guy’s name is Mark and he wears a black hoodie and jeans. It's odd, considering the fact that it is hot as Hades outside. Mark is going to go to his parents in the neighboring town east of there and agrees to give Josh a lift for free.

Josh hopes it is a true gush of kindness because he has lost his ability to separate his illusions from the reality.

Maybe Mark wants to kill the time chatting with a stranger. Josh doesn’t look like a murderer and they are about the same age so Mark’s decision is logical.  

“So, where are you going, dude?” Mark asks friendly.

They are on the road and Josh feels awkward sitting on the passenger’s seat.

“Nowhere, to be honest, I’m just trying to refresh my mind, meet new people, visit new places…”

He turns to the window, yawning. Of course, Mark notices it.

“You can take a nap if you want, I’m a careful driver and the road usually takes a few hours… So get some rest.”

And this is one of the best offers Josh has ever received in his whole life. He immediately agrees and surrenders to sleep, squeezing his backpack in a hug. He sinks into the darkness and warmth to the strains of a quiet mumbling of a radio.

***

“Josh,” the voice is painfully familiar. Josh is afraid to hear it, but he wants it at the same time as if it can give him an energy to exist. “Josh, I miss you. Why are you hiding?”

Josh gets goosebumps; he starts his mantra, repeating a simple phrase again and again — _“It’s not Tyler, it isn’t him.”_

“What? Josh, I-I don’t understand. Why do you think so, why do you keep saying that? We were so happy, everything was fine and then you disappeared. Do you still remember that motel room where you left me?”

Josh almost sees Tyler’s moving lips, sees his eyes full of sadness, his hands trying to reach him. His lungs may still be filled with air, his tongue and vocal cords may still form sounds but it’s not Tyler. _It_ is managing the process. Josh has to remember this. He must stay quiet, do not respond not to give _it_ any advantage. It's hard to hear Tyler's voice; he has always been Josh's weakness.

“I’ll find you. You know that. Listen, we will be together for eternity as we have always been dreaming.”

Josh’s heart is aching, his soul is begging for mercy and his lips move by themselves. He is too weak to resist. Weaker than he has ever been —

“How dare you steal our dreams and wishes! You are not him,” he doesn’t even recognize his own voice. It's too weak.

Josh is waiting for something unbearable, he shouldn’t have said that. He can be dead in a second now and he almost feels relieved, thinking of his death. But their dialogue continues as if nothing has happened, as if _it_ hasn’t been trying to provoke him.

“I _am_ Tyler and you know that. It was your wish and you’ve done that with your own hands, by the way.”

“Bullshit. You’re a liar, you stole Tyler, you killed…”

Josh is interrupted by the laughter. It is a creepy mix of Tyler’s laugh and something that Josh cannot recognize — low tone, rude intonations, distorted sounds.

“Oh… You don’t remember, do you?”

Josh clenches his teeth, he wants to block it, he’s overwhelmed.

“You don’t remember the way you begged me to save _your Tyler_. Poor thing. I want to get you even more now, you’re so pure.”

Demonic noises, coming from _it,_ make Josh shiver.

“It can't be true,” he gulps for air.

“You have to remember it.”

“No!”

“Remember. It. _Now_.”

Vacuum silence in Josh’s head deafens him, he is screaming soundlessly. He is in agony. Flashbacks fill him up, rushing, flashing in front of his eyes; he does not want to believe, he does not want to see anything. But the mechanism has been run.

_Tyler is smiling openly. He is so happy. — Tyler is staring at the wall like a broken toy. He is motionless._

_Tyler is sitting near Josh. Josh feels his warm gaze. Tyler says he likes Josh’s new purple hair. — Josh feels Tyler fix his eyes on him, and he has never felt so uncomfortable; fear revives into him._

_They are cuddling, Tyler’s breath tickles Josh’s neck, his hands get under Tyler’s hoodie, touching his bare skin. — Josh is woken up by an anxiety attack. He sees Tyler standing near the bed in the darkness, watching him sleep with a grin._

And then the vacuum disappears.

Run. He needs to run.

How did he dare forget?

***

Josh wakes up, his eyes are wide open and his heart jumps out of his chest in terror. The voice is still whispering somewhere on the periphery of his consciousness. _It_ follows. Josh is like an animal who tries to escape but his hunter is getting closer and closer each day. He does not know where _it_ is, but this was the first time he actually _talked_ to _it_ .  He almost feels _it_ like a rabbit feels a farmer’s gun pointed at him. It is self-preservation or a survival instinct. He needs to hurry.

When he gets out of the car, he hears Mark, who is standing near his parents' house.

“What’s up?” he smiles, petting a cat.

Josh does not remember the last time he felt as calm as Mark. He's envious.

“How long are we here?” he grabs his things, looking around and trying to understand which way can lead him out of the city.

“Um… Two hours or so? You’re a heavy sleeper, dude, really, I…”

“Can you explain how can I leave the city? The nearest bus stop?” Josh interrupts him, he starts feeling a tremor. _It_ is even closer than he assumed.

“What? Sure, but I’ve already told my mom about you and she said I should let you sleep until the dinner is ready. Now you can join as and…”

“No, sorry. Need to go.”

Mark looks more than surprised, probably thinking that Josh is a drug addict or insane but he lets the cat go and takes his phone out of the pocket to open the map.

This reminds Josh the day when he and Tyler could not find the way to their hotel, using a map, and after two or more shitty attempts to do it by themselves, they asked for help. They were laughing at stupid jokes on their way back, Josh still remembers Tyler pressing him to the bedroom door later that night, he remembers their awkward talk about who is going to top because it was their first sex.

Now the memories are blurred, he entertains the possibility that he does not remember something about his past with Tyler. Josh has already forgotten some tiny but important details about Tyler’s behavior. He is afraid to forget him completely, to let _this thing_ replace him even in his memories.

***

Josh spends some money on a bus to the city farther east of here. He chooses the seat near the window in the back of the vehicle, thinking that he needs money. Really needs. But there is no way to get it if he can’t stay in one place longer than two hours. He can sell drugs but it is too dangerous because an arrest is equal to death for him. Thoughts about a remote work soothe his soul. He just needs to plan everything carefully and always have a charger at hand. And get a laptop somewhere. The will to live is still burning inside of him.

Anyway, there is one thing that bothers him more than anything now. Those visions, memories, his past.

Even the thought about it makes him feel cold. Josh wraps himself up in Tyler's Adidas red track jacket, breathing hoarsely. He closes his eyes in attempts to focus and figure everything out.

The passengers' chatting in the background does not bother him.

What if he has been wrong all the time? What if he forgot something important? That dialogue in his sleep has made him uncertain. Identifying fake memories or blind spots in his mind is difficult but it means Josh is far enough from _it_ , he is relatively calm and his brain does not generate any unasked shit.

But his inner questions choke him anyway.

An old abandoned half-pipe on the edge of the town is full of scribbled foul language and graffiti all over it. Josh and Tyler were hanging out in the skate park that looked pretty much same. Tyler did not skate but went with Josh anyway. He was sitting cross-legged on his backpack and watching Josh trying to do a FS feeble stall. He did not want to impress Tyler. Actually, he even fell and abrasions with bruises were not the most attractive things. This was probably one of those uncouth memories, and Josh wanted to forget about it but now this is one of the happiest memories because of Tyler wearing his old shirt inside out and his contagious laughter and even his worried eyes. Josh leans his forehead against a cold window; the night is coming, hiding surroundings under the darkness. He can almost imagine that everything is alright and the endless attempt to escape is not his own curse. It can be a trivial road trip to the unknown destination where someone, for example, his parents or friends, cannot wait to see him.

***

An unpredictable breakage of the bus brings Josh back to reality. They have stuck two miles away from the final frontier. Josh mentally curses everything when he hears a voice in dynamics saying that repairing will take three or four hours. For Josh, it means one more sleepless night. He cannot stay in one place for so long and he grabs his things and gets out of the bus. A dark road and an empty sky welcome him. Josh squeezes straps of his backpack and takes a step away from the broken bus, warmth, and all those people who have probably thought he is crazy when he left the bus in the middle of the night.

Josh has some water and comfortable running shoes but he needs two or three stops to rest before he sees the lights of the city on the horizon.

He knows he will be caught by the evening if he does not find a transport, that is faster than his own legs. He goes down one of the main roads, looking around. He doesn't remember days of the week but he assumes it's Friday or Saturday because he sees a lot of drunk people near the bars and clubs. He has lost his sense of time — it does not matter anymore. Josh always needs to keep going but he has no destination that would end his trip.

An ambulance rushes past Josh and the panic fills him up again; this ghostly feeling touches something inside of him, makes his memory tense up, searching for the connection between his present and his past.

He turns to the left and almost runs into a person who is staring at a terrible scene on the road not far away from the place where they stand.

There are too many people around and all of them whisper anxiously, watching an aftermath of a car crash. The collision was terrible; it is hard to say how many people got injured and how many cars were damaged.

"Fucking street racers," hears Josh from the person near him.

Josh doesn't want to communicate with anyone so he tries to leave this area, but when he is walking past the curious crowd he suddenly sees blood. He has never had a hemophobia but fear paralyzes him. He is scared not by the sight of blood but his memories.

***

_Tyler is in front of Josh's eyes again. Tyler does not breathe._

_There is so much blood around. It is on the floor, on Josh's hands, in the corners of Tyler's mouth; their clothes are soaked in it, there is this specific smell everywhere. Tyler is lying on the floor with his glassy eyes open. He is motionless when Josh finds him with a hole in his stomach._

_Tyler is already dead._

_Josh does not vomit, he still hopes Tyler is alive and he can help. All more or less expensive things have been stolen by people who have killed Tyler. Josh is near him, he is on his knees, touching, shaking him until his blood-stained hands start trembling._

In real time Josh keeps walking down the street, his muscular memory got used to the running a long ago. He is moving on autopilot but in his head, he is living through that day again.  

_Josh pulls Tyler's incarnadine shirt up, seeing a gunshot wound._

This is so vivid, Josh knows these visions are not just a nightmare, he thought they were, but now he's sure it happened for real.

Josh is insane. He thinks about the possibility of hallucinating due to a long starvation and sleep deprivation because this is his last chance to prove himself wrong and he is just out of his mind.

But the voice in his head appears again, rubbing his hopes and chances to powder. He is on the outskirts of a regular unknown city when he realizes the sky brightens in the east.  

"Josh," the voice is weak but hearable.

He gets into the local round-o-clock store. If he only could hide among sauces and packs of frozen vegetables. He has to block it but a part of him wants to find the answers and it's obvious _it_ knows everything Josh needs. A curious part of Josh forces him to spend too much time searching cash in his pockets. He can let it get close enough for conversation but not too close. He plays with a fire.

"Josh, wait. Don't run away."

Josh knows how to ignore it but now _its_ voice sounds like Tyler more than ever.

At the beginning of all that shit he was scared, then he got used to it, now he is tired. It is not like you feel after a sleepless night. He is bone-tired. His brain just refuses to work sometimes, lagging. His feet ache, his lungs hurt and his stomach is empty. And he has no time to rest because the nearer _it_ is the louder the voice in his head gets. This mental connection kills Josh. Slowly and surely.

"Let me help you. You've already started to remember. I know."

"No," Josh thinks before he even realizes it.

"Good. Good, just tell me what's bothering you."

"You, monster," Josh speeds up.

"Am I?" _it_ whispers, _it_ does not even hide _its_ distorted voice, does not copy Tyler's intonations. "I am a monster just like you."

"I didn't kill Tyler, it wasn't me, but you… You stole his body," Josh's thoughts rush. He has lost control.  

"Oh, you remember his death. Good. But you're wrong, Josh. There is a small, tiny detail you have missed. _You_ have given me his body.  And now you have to run while you can. We'll meet soon. And you'll meet Tyler again," the assurance in its voice makes Josh shiver.

And before it starts again Josh runs away as fast as he can.

***

However, the search query has been already made, and after some time Josh's brain finds out what actually happened that day. The next flashback puts everything in place. Josh is drowning in it while his body is staying at the bus stop, waiting.

***

His biggest dream is to see Tyler alive again. Nothing can help them, but a miracle. Something suddenly falls down behind the wall; Josh hears his neighbor's curses. _A miracle_. Josh rushes to the exit and makes sure the door is closed behind him, then knocks on his neighbor’s door. It is painted red like his own hands.

A smell of joss sticks hits him hard when the door opens and the person in a plain grey shirt and shorts appears in a doorway. He doesn’t look like an occultist, he is just a young man with a few strange details like an old wooden ring on his index finger and black ornamental tattoo on the neck. But Josh knows he is one of those mysterious specialists.

Josh was woken up by whining and strange noises coming from that apartment so many times. They even moved their bed to the opposite wall of their bedroom. And Tyler pinched his nose every time they were waiting for an elevator; he hated the smell of cinnamon and vanilla. They even tried to guess why this weirdo uses only those kinds of joss sticks but they could not find any assumption how that sweet smell could be helpful in exorcism or spiritualism. Anyway, Josh has run into his neighbor once and he could swear he noticed chicken heads in his brown bag. When Josh had told Tyler about it he mumbled something about virgins and sacrifice and said he was happy Josh had let him top once because then they both had lost their virginity even twice. And it meant they were safe.

“Hey, what a surprise!” an occultist says and lets Josh through the door.  

“I thought that for people like _you_ , surprises just don’t exist,” Josh mumbles, looking around.

“People like me? Hell, man, I’m not a God, just a mentalist. Damn. Are you… Where is Tyler?” maybe he feels something or just notices the blood in the semidarkness.

“I’m… He’s… Can you help?”

“If he’s already… Dead – I’m afraid no.”

“No? There should be something… I don’t know — a spell, potion?”

“Josh, I’m not Harry Potter!” he leans on the wall with a dreamcatcher on it, taking off his glasses to rub his eyes, “I know one ritual but…”

“Tell me!” Josh is about to shake him by the shoulders.

“You don’t know what you ask me for.”

“Don’t care.”

“You don’t know about risks.”

“Don’t care.”

“About sacrifice.”

“Don’t care! He is dead! Do you understand me?” Josh shivers, looking straight into the man's deep blue eyes. They both understand Josh asks about an absolutely crazy and reckless thing.

“I won’t do it. I can tell you about the process but it will be your own decision,” he breathes out, going to one of the rooms, which is full of odd stuff, mirrors, and wooden boxes.

“There is something you should know… The effort to prevent nature from taking its course always carries consequences. And I don’t know all of them. But it’s dangerous.”

Josh does not even move. He listens carefully to memorize everything.

The man takes a small sheet of paper out of a trunk. He stares at the faded symbols for a while then hands the sheet to Josh.

***

Josh is sitting on the floor and trying to do everything that his neighbor said while Tyler’s body is getting cold slowly. He takes a knife, the sharpest one that he can find in their apartment. The sheet of paper with a scheme of symbols is laying on the floor beside him. Josh’s hands shake when he pulls Tyler’s shirt up again. He has to draw symbols on his body, using his own and Tyler’s blood. Triangles, not random dots and lines. Every symbol is important. He tries to make a wound on his wrist as deep as he can with the first move. Josh is attentive, watching his blood run down his hand; small scarlet drops fall onto Tyler’s bare chest.

And when the last element is done, Josh doesn’t move away. He is waiting. Something should happen but minutes are running and nothing changes.

“Please, come on… Damn,” Josh bites his lips nervously, sweat streams down his back; he pulls his clothes off in a fit of hysteria, crumples it and throws it into a trashcan. Tyler’s shirt is already there.

Josh doesn’t feel the pain but the cut on his wrist keeps bleeding, and the blood floods down his palm, dropping onto the floor and laying a red track from the trashcan and back to Tyler. He feels the energy leave him as in a fog and he sits down beside Tyler’s body right in time because the next second he faints. He doesn’t know if the cause of it is a loss of blood or something else.

Darkness surrounds him, many voices whisper straight into Josh's ears, he feels dizzy, flashes of light mix everything up and Josh drowns, he chokes on his own saliva and he cannot wake up until someone pats his shoulder gently. It's like a heaven-sent gulp of fresh air, someone just pulls him out of this queasy mixture of hallucinations in one strong but light motion.

Josh does not believe his eyes and sensations when he sees Tyler —

“Hey. Josh, are you okay? It seems we have gotten robbed.”

Josh nearly jumps up, screaming. Tyler rubs his bare chest with no stains of blood on it. Josh looks down at his stomach – there is no sign of a gunshot wound anymore. The gash on his own wrist has disappeared too. This is probably an afterlife or a dream. All the blood is just gone or went back into them, Josh hugs Tyler to be sure he is real.

“I’m alright. What about you?” Josh smiles, breathing in Tyler’s scent.

“Yeah. Feeling a little dizzy. They knocked me out probably. I’ve already called the Police.”

“Okay. Then…” Josh helps Tyler stand up. “Maybe we can take a hot shower together before they’ll come?”

Tyler only nods, blankly scratching his chest. Josh pretends he does not notice bloodied clothes in a trashcan. He pretends it was just a nightmare, a vision his brain gave him while he was unconscious.

Everything was normal for a few weeks. They lived their ordinary lives, nothing odd happened, except their neighbor, who moved out in a rush, after he had seen Tyler. And something in his eyes, hidden behind his glasses, scared Josh. Like this mentalist saw something in Tyler. Something dangerous and terrible, something uncontrolled.

After a while, Tyler starts to disappear.

He stares nowhere from time to time. Josh sometimes notices these glimmers of red in his eyes. The more time passes the worse it gets. Tyler becomes rude, cruel and foreign. Josh starts to avoid him. But they are still together and sometimes it seems like old Tyler is here.

Sometimes they still have sex, but it is different. Each next time _together_ becomes more repulsive for Josh.

When Tyler wants to kiss him, Josh feels like it is not Tyler pushes him to the couch and sits down on his lap. As if someone who is just _pretending_ to be Tyler trying to get into his pants.

“Josh…” Tyler’s voice brings him back to reality. “Please.”

Josh looks into Tyler’s begging eyes, he takes his shirt off to see the tattoos on his tanned skin. They are still there. Josh puts his palm on Tyler’s chest, feeling his heartbeat, thinking it is too calm for such a moment of intimacy. His eyes and hands remember every inch of Tyler’s body and it is him, that’s for sure. But his heart stands against it. Josh closes his eyes when Tyler’s hand grips his crotch overtop of his joggers. His moan mixes with a sigh of relief. Josh doesn’t see Tyler’s smirk.

But when they are moving to the bed, shirtless and turned on, Josh catches himself thinking that it still feels wrong. Like he’s betraying Tyler, cheating on him. It is one of the worst feelings ever. And it seems like Tyler understands Josh’s mood, he stops him right in the middle of the room and drops to his knees, and Josh rolls his eyes, closing them and his mind is full of fog and lust again. As if Tyler tries to keep him in some kind of trance. And Josh lets him do it.

After a few minutes of blowjob, kissing, and stripping they are completely naked and Josh is lying on the bed sheets. Tyler is riding him when he suddenly puts his hands down on Josh’s neck. Josh thinks it is a misunderstanding but then Tyler starts pressing harder, choking him and Josh pushes him away, coughing. He locks himself in a bathroom, trying to figure out what has happened and why he is so scared. Tyler’s merciless glance — visible even in a dark room — sticks in Josh's mind. There was no love in it, only desire to kill. He feels colder than ever and he does not know what to do except leaving Tyler while he is sleeping.

He takes a car, he is driving across the city in an attempt to calm down.

Josh is already planning to return when the voice appears in his head for the first time. It is creepy, it is Tyler and someone else at the same time. And it orders Josh to come back. He drives away, starting this escape from Tyler and his own sin.

***

The realization that it was him who let this thing get Tyler, sprout into his soul and body, ruin him, makes Josh go out of the bus stop, right when the bus arrives. He does not see almost anything, just dragging himself along the road, letting _it_ get closer and closer to him. Josh walks slowly until he starts to hear the voice again. He covers his ears with his hands, and it looks childish but he has no energy to think about it, he just wants to make the voice stop. Josh’s legs and soul hurt, his eyes are tired to see only the damn road.

And after a mile his hands fall down, he slows down bit by bit, and then his knees are quaking. Josh falls into the dust, letting go of the reins. His backpack is thrown away because he does not need it anymore. Josh doesn’t need anything at all because even his soul convulses. All of it is his fault. The process of replacement of Tyler by this ugly creature is his fault.

Now he remembers everything.

He can barely stand up.

He hears footsteps but they aren't only existing in his head.

“Josh, we missed you.”

He hears the voice and the shivers go down his spine. He sees a shadow near him when he looks down. And he feels a breath on his neck. It is behind him.

But he doesn’t mind.

Black-painted hands wrap around Josh, dragging him into the darkness and it is the last thing he sees before he closes his eyes.

 

**Author's Note:**

> thomas, t h a n k you for being on my side and for the beta.
> 
>  
> 
> [moodboard](http://searein.tumblr.com/post/179796356347/run-rabbit-run)


End file.
